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Saturday, January 10, 2009

False Hope

At one point i thought that i'm gonna give up this blog but as now i'm getting lonely this thing is the only thing that keep me going. well at least i don't have to keep all my feelings to myself anymore. at least i know that i can write it here and get away with it. yeah.

i don't know why, despite the fact that i have many good friends here, still i feel like being deserted in a way. i laughed, i smiled, but deep inside none of the expression valid, it just doesn't make sense. not in any way.

everytime when i feel like sharing or doing something with anyone, i started to doubt myself. will anyone appriciate me as equal if not more? will they laugh? will they remember? oh i'm so in a state of hating myself for thinking wierdly. it's not that i hate my friends. nothing like that. i'm just being stubbornly wierd. i can't think straight at the moment.

no one will will like me, not anymore if i continue being this way. no one will treat me better. i realized this thing quite well now but to change the way i always are is almost impossible. it its actually possible but its nothing like switching the light on and off. its far more complicated.

come to think about it again, false hope is not an appropriate title for this entry. in fact nothing written here make any sense what so ever. just an excuse for me to whine aboute myself. just a reason for me to feel bad about everything good that always happen in front of me. oh afiq stop whining. stop being such a cry baby.

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posted @ 4:32 PM
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MySelf

im afiq...afiq adham.born in pahang,grew up in negri sembilan and now live in terengganu.currently a biologycal sciences student in edinburgh university.wish me luck cause im now struglin in almost everything im in.

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After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of man, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in a mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...

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